My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize