I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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