Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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