u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize