Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize