8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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