you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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