Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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