I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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