Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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