It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
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I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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