My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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