WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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