so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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