Will you blow on my dice?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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