Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize