i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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