More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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