is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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