the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who died my cat blue again?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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