Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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