Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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