How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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