Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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