I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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