Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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