I am spending my child support on dildos
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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