Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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