i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize