I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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