i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize