it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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