dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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