Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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