Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize