i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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