how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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