she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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