There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize