I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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