here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize