you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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