I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize