is your mom at the bar?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize