You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize