Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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