ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Randomize