how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize