i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize