Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize